Control….

Webster’s dictionary defines control as the following:

–verb (used with object)

1.to exercise restraint or direction over; dominate; command.

2.to hold in check; curb: to control a horse; to control one’s emotions.

3.to eliminate or prevent the flourishing or spread of: to control a forest fire.

4.Obsolete. to check or regulate (transactions), originally by means of a duplicate register.

I wonder why it is that i lose this when i become involved in a relationship. I lose myself to gain what is an entire other person.. it doesn’t make sense. i love to please people and don’t give the expectation of needing to be pleased in return. I’m not talkin’ sex just… i like the control a relationship gives my partner. I like being asked or requested to do things… i like to serve i like not having to think for myself because she will always know just which decisions to make.

Untitled 6.3.10

What is there to say when there’s no good answer to the Why?

When after its all done its still unclear.
Our ups and downs always resulted in rebound discussions and clarifications that this time just did not come; they never came and i wonder if this is the way you intended to leave it all along.

I dismissed your hints.
I heard what you’d been saying and had been trying to ignore it, trying to see the future when you were fixated on the present. You warned me. I loved you hard and never wanted to be yours always and forever; All you wanted was the here and now. Nothing more, nothing less just the now.
What we have now is nothing. Confusion, heartache and unresolved emotions and plans.
Plans for travel, plans for different experiences, plans for us.

~bluelightz